Ticking Clock
by MillionStarGalaxy
Summary: Hazel has limited time left, everyday she wakes up in the hospital. Every time she opens her eyes its 4 white walls. 3 over bright lights. 2 dying lilies. 1 curtain bare window. Ever second shes getting closer and closer to death, but she doesn't mind, Gus will be there to catch her when she falls.
1. 96 Hours

4 white walls. 3 over bright lights. 2 dying lilies. 1 curtain bare window.

The same as yesterday, the same as every day. Every morning I awaken to the clean smelling, light filled room in the hospital. Mums nowhere to be seen, after the doctors told her my cancer had worsened she hadn't left my side. The nurses come and go they make sure I'm comfy; everyone makes sure you're comfy when you're dying. I don't pay attention what they do, there's some prodding followed by a sharp pinch where my IV is. Refill day my favourite, fresh new chemicals to pump in me.

Lunch is boring, pizza and chips, it's not the good kind it's the cardboard kind chewy and microwaved. People say your life flashes before your eyes when you're about to die, it's not true, it flashes before you every day leading up to your death. On Monday I remembered every embarrassing thing I'd ever done, Tuesday it was the teenager years and today it's the childhood memories, grazed knees and happy faces. Bluie's staring at me from the bottom of my bed. I lay back and remember my first holiday, I'm running along the sand, I can hear the waves crashing against the Devon rocks in the background and I can see mum where she lounges against dad reading her book. I wave at them as the July water trickles my ankles, I catch dad's attention and he comes racing towards me. I giggle aloud and run for my life, splashing in to the sea, he's too fast for my chubby little legs though. He throws me in the air and I feel like I'm flying, I feel on top off the world. My daydream is shattered by dad entering the room. The warm fuzzy feeling in my belly is the only reminder of the memory, it feels comforting.

Dad doesn't stay long he has to go back to work, he looks older today, greyer then usual I think the sadness is taking over him.

I sleep for the rest of the day.


	2. 72 Hours

4 in the morning. 3 bird tweets. 2 nurses. 1 numb arm.

Needles. Invading every inch of my body. Over the years I believe I must have been prodded by a needle in every part of my body. Good job that's not my phobia. I've always found phobias weird, how one object can drive a person to avoid it at all costs, I watched a girl pass out in kindergarten over a spider once. Could spiders be my phobia? Nope, pretty sure me and dad once made a spider shelter out of twigs and leaves. Clowns ? no. Water ? no. Death ? no. Losing people ? Yes. Gus.

Gus to me was like a mint condition action figure to a sci-fi geek. He was the one thing I didn't want to touch and damage; he was what I wanted to keep perfect forever. He was my superman. Every night I dream he's still here, stood at the end of my bed telling me to shake a leg and fight because that's all us cancer kids can do, fight. But he's not and I can't fight anymore. What do I have to fight for, another few weeks of medicine and injections, laying on the sofa while mum fusses around me and tells me it's going to be okay we'll fight through. It's not okay though I'm dying and I know I am, I've been dying ever since the doctors first told me I had cancer. Not even 'Next Top Model' can help me now.

I grab my Ipod from the bed side table and walk to the door. There's no one in the hallway, I make a quick run to the emergency exit door and push through it before any one sees me. I can feel the breeze from the roof top fluting down the stairs towards me, its fresh and crisp the opposite of everything the hospital is. Once I'm on the roof I lean against the one of the vents on the roof. The breeze is nice cool but not cold, warm but not sticky. I grip bluie closer to me and stare out over the roof top, the horizons slowly turning orange and the first flickers of the sun begin to peep over the top off the other roofs. Cancer Perk. Having access to a hospital roof at sunrise means you can experience the wonderful sensation of watching a new day begin, a perk that won't last long for me.

The golden rays of the sun climb higher and the light shines on my face, warming my whole body. I can hear all around me the world coming to life, people starting the day and nature waking up. Birds tweet from over the park nearby and the low hum of car engines begins in the distance. Everyone rushing around getting on with life, their long healthy lives and her I sit still and warm taking in every inch of the rising sun an act that mother mature preforms every day, yet everyone is too busy doing their own things to stop for a moment and watch the beauty before us. I plug myself in to my Ipod and continue to marvel over the rising sun.

Then it's over the suns risen and everything seems so dull again.


	3. 48 Hours

4 new lilies. 3 dreams of Gus. 2 shining eyes. 1 bright smile.

I'm allowed out of hospital today, I spend the day with mum and dad in the park. We sit by the fountain and watch the ducks on the lake. From where we were sat I could see the play area, I notice a swing set shiny and new, this swing set is loved everyone wants ago, I suddenly miss my swing set. I think I see Gus when we leave, it's not their nose was too long and their hair to blonde.

We watch films till the afternoon all of us me, mum, dad and bluie, then dad has to leave and mum has to check on things with the doctor. I'm alone again, but I'm happy to me. My room is silent and my head is clear for the first time in a while. I feel content with life, there's nothing I wish I had done and nothing I regret. I'm peaceful.

I remember when I was younger and my teacher asked the class what we thought happened after we died. All the kids put their hands up and said things like, we go to heaven, we see god, we live in the clouds with our loved ones, I didn't when it was my turn to speak I told the teacher what I thought life was like after death. I told him, I don't believe there's a God waiting for us, but I do believe there's heaven except it not like all those picture books show, there is no clouds and angels with golden harps. Heaven is the place you truly want to be, it's a place where your most happiest you have what you've always dreamed of having, you can be and do and have what you most desire, everyone is happy. Heaven is what you want it to be. I still believe this, and I will continue to believe it until the end.

I fall asleep thinking about Gus.


	4. 24 Hours

4 Loud noises. 3 aches. 2 bad dreams. 1 hazy Hazel.

I'm up early so I head for the roof its cold up there and when I walk through the door it starts pouring with rain. My heads pounding and the rain numbs it so I stay. The rain drops soak through my thin sweatpants and my hair clumps together in strands. I slump again the vent and let the rain pour on me. There's no sunrise.

My whole bodies numbed by the icy rain, people will be looking for me, its breakfast time and I need my pills. I don't move though, I never want to move again, my limbs have given up on me and I can't will myself on. Everything's slowing down, the rain falls slower and the clouds won't part. I look around the worlds lost all its colour the sky is grey and so is the rest of town. Something slides down my cheek I can't tell if its tears or rain they've merged and drowned my face. I don't think, I don't move. My breathing doesn't feel right, the tank's still working but my lungs are working too hard. I can hear Gus in my head he's telling me to fight, fight to live, fight because I'm strong. Then he's there, he's in front of me he's calm and smiling that means he's happy. Everyone's happy, everyone has something to live for. The door flies open I've been forced from my hiding place. I'm happy, there's no pain, no sadness I like it. So I stop, I stop fighting and I fall, fall in to Gus's arms, fallen in to happiness.

4 Scared Nurses, 3 last words, 2 closed eyes, 1 last breath.


End file.
